i can keep a secret
if you can keep me guessing
the flavour of your lips
is enough to keep me pressing
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Sunday, April 29, 2007, 4:50 PM
Cost me a cool $128 dollars. My own cash some more. I'm so totally broke. hurhurhur.  Why is it that some people are just so naive that they fucking never learn? Once bitten, twice shy. How many times do you wanna see him eat his words?!! Love? MY ASS!!! Sorry babe, I only see him using you as his Prada handbag. In other words, an accessory he bought at the price of what you call love, but later, chuck you aside if he feels that Prada isn't his thing on that day. Girl, what's the use of beating me in my O levels when you can barely use that IQ to use in the context of daily life??? "He asked me out, made me wait, and then stood me up." HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I HEARD THAT FROM YOU?! If it happened once, I can totally understand that something might have come up. Twice, ok, it must be urgent. Thrice. Eh, it's de ja vu all over again. Fourth time, WTF! We have heard enough of your endless whines. We have advised you countless times, but you do the same thing. And you end up with the same result! You are doing the same thing, with the same end, YET YOU FUCKING COMPLAIN. omg. Get a life. You claim you cry. You are hurt. Well, I know what it's like to be fucking hurt by the same thing over and over again. But you don't see me doing the same thing today! Cause one, it's not fucking worth my tears, time and effort to save something that doesn't want to be saved. Let it drown. He says he loves you but babe, words are sweet with deceit. He says he doesn't know why he is angry. OH WOW. Shoot me dead! How can you not know why you are angry! What is he? Born yesterday?Grow a brain thank you very much. You piece of CB! I'm so pissed off at that bastard who keeps making sugarcoated promises to you! And I keep seeing you break down every single time. Nothing has changed. His arrogance to make himself a better human being, or your naivety. Get a life and grow up. I'm not pissed off that you are still with him. I'm just pissed off that you keep crying over the same thing. You want change but you are not even trying to change. You want someone to listen to you, but you wont listen to us. We see you fall, you throw you the rope, but you won't cling on to it. WHY?? Is your relationship with him much more worth it than ours? I never even once thought of even asking you to compare but here i am questioning you. Dare I ask for an answer? I rather not hear it. Just hope you don't regret and look back if anything happens. In spite of your tears, I'll be there to tell you,"I told you so." Ouh kayyy.. I will stop. I HAVE A CRUSH ON VICTORIA AND DAVID BECKHAM!!! THEY ARE SO PRETTEEHHHH!!   Saturday, April 28, 2007, 11:04 PM
MY NEW PHONE. ok, it's not the most fantastic phone but still it is super prettehhh. I LOVE YOU MUMMY =) I'm gonna get the pink cover once i have cash to spare. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIAMIN!! I LOVE YOU. =)) My entire body is aching. I feel so god damn stiff. Cheerleading is not for bimbos who goes rah rah throwing pompoms in the air. I was told that they admire my determination. LOL. didnt know i had any. all i know is that I won't give in without a fight. I won't complain. I won't stop. I'll carry on. I'll strive. Cause I want to do this. I have noone to prove to but myself. I believe that I can whatever I want if I work for it. I know I'm no athlete who can run to earth's end, nor am I a ballerina who can do wonders with my body. I have the spirit and I will do it. I'll fight and defend this battle. =)) the ballerina will be cockslapped if she doesn't stop her neh neh "I can't do splits" nonsense. eyes on you Friday, April 27, 2007, 12:48 AM
This girl added me on friendster through someone I think, and today she decided to speak to me on MSN. Granted I alr. know who she is. The conversation starts with a usual hello and whatever, then she asks me to give her more comments on friendster. I reply with a casual okay, and she asks you know who I am? oh gosh, why yes. your name is fricken in your msn nick and it tallies with your friendster one. like duh. besides, i've seen your email when you added me the first time around. good grief ! i replied with "like duh." and she didn't understand what that meant." Took this from Ben's blog. omg. It's so freaking funneh the way he mocked this hell of a bimbo. Ben! You are so not alone at this! I get this sort of freaking thing all the time. It's not they should get more intellect. They just have no place to store any! Please! Grow a bloody brain. They love asking the utmost obvious! Don't ask me why. But I seriously don't understand to why some people TyPe lIkE ThIs or lyikee tisssh. eeuu r pweettiee. wad iish euur name? OMG. Isn't it like so freakin tiring?? And some people have emoticons for every bloody letter humanly possible in the alphabet! It's so freaking hard to read can. especially emoticons that move. if you have a moving letter in every sentence, it seriously laggs my com. Help me help you by not being such a menace in society. Anyways, I'm really exhausted over here. Like slap me awake. Magnum on every alternate days. Peer tutoring with Tan Mohd Faiz the super duper on Tuesdays, and Superman Razin on Fridays. Give me a life god. Not to mention that school usually ends at 5pm. I really cannot complain for not having a social life for the next 3 years. And why is it you people are all in SP, NYP and SRJC!!! I miss you lot so very much. The random outburst of laughter, disturbing the teachers and friends. The running around in class. oh man. But the G class is ok. Savvy? =) I'm fat. HAHAH. just you ppl wait! Give me two months!!! I'll give you ppl my ass to talk about. In a good sense of course. Chayaya Inc! We go out this weekend la!! I totally miss you ppl! Oh and Yun, I think I need to live with you at AMK. Punggol is just way too far for me to get to school! other than that. I LOVE LIFE. =) , 12:08 AM
calm down. chill. i'm so in a bad mood. =(( fuck. and i don't know why. i mean, i was just fine while talking to Azhar just now. Ok, mood swings. I know it's the PMS talking. and maybe, i'm just tired. yes, im just tired. i'm so sorry Anshar Thursday, April 26, 2007, 12:48 AM
=(( Magnum!! i am such a loser bleah. i want to turn away but i can't seem to Tuesday, April 24, 2007, 10:44 PM
I GOT MY GREEN NIKE SHOES!!!! Cost me a freaking $124 dollars can!!! I LOVE EM PLENTY PLENTY. thank you Vincente for lending me your jacket for the entire day =) if it wasn't for i would be frozen stiff during the lectures. thank you Yongfeng for waiting for me until my bus come at the bus stop. homour me baby; your brain stops growing at 14 Monday, April 23, 2007, 11:48 PM
argh. maybe im just tired and annoyed. ignore me and this post. bleah. this is so fucked up. they made me flyer in Magnum. omg. I'm gonna be up there!??!!! can you take my breath away? Sunday, April 22, 2007, 1:52 AM
 siti is tired that she can say tired three times. tired tired tired. My last day at SSC. Michael made me a latte for that. And they said they'll miss me so. Awwww, I'm utterly touched. bleah. I AM GOING TO MISS THEM SO MUCH. =(((( thankfully, after working about 3 months or so at SSC, I was never once scolded or being hurled cuss by any of my managers or captains. The Filipinos get that everyday but I don't, I feel so bad that I sometimes wished that he'd scold me. Damn it. I broke two glasses. MY FIRST BREAKAGE AFTER 4 months or so in the F&B sector. I'm gonna be sacrificing a lot of things for my CCA. One, is sleep and rest. Two is money for I can't work. Three is Chayaya Inc and friends. =( I feel that I fit in in Magnum. yay. Finally I'm in a CCA that I'm actually totally interested it. Like, I have no question marks all over my face when I went to their first training. So awesome. The stretches were ok. After not exercising for like 9983563years, I could not touch my toes. stupid. And the running was oh so bad. the reason is rhetorical for those who knows. I will stay focused. I so want to hide, and die. *blushes five different shades of red* But wow. Thanks la Khai. the wind whispers of the death of me Friday, April 20, 2007, 3:08 PM
I think school has seriously drained me of my energy. Eight to five almost everyday but mondays, whereas on Fridays I most probably have cheerleading at six. My evenings are spent on homework while I have work on weekends. Phew. I feel busy. No wait, I AM BUSY. But for some reason, I love keeping myself busy.I mean the science cum engineering course is demanding I swear. And I can sense the competitiveness. Finally, something to make me want to study. COMPETITION.I can't fall back! Especially not on Amaths or Bio. Never again will I freaking fail them. I swear. But I need them books!!!!(ppl, the word 'them' is deliberate and not because my level of intellect has dropped) And with that said, I doubt I'll have time to socialize. Boyfriend? Nah, I'm not ready. I like this new found freedom. Thursday, April 19, 2007, 9:38 PM
North Vista Secondary School a.k.a, my Alma Mater, called me to go for tomorrow's Speech Day to receive my Scholarship Award. Fast forward, I told the lady that I couldn't make it because of my cheerleading try outs. Didn't feel like rushing all the way to Sengkang from Clementi, you know. Ahh, I'm beginning to fit in with the crowd in Ngee Ann Poly. Biomedical Engineering class G2 kicks ass. Not as lively as 4e2, but what the heck, at least I'm at their frequency, if you get what I mean. So far, I don't know the names of the people in G1 and G2 except for a few. Namely, the 4 girls in my clique, Vincente, Khairul Anshar or sth like that, and Fabian. WTF. I'll make it a point to learn other people's name by the end of the week!!! I mean for god sake! I only have like 30plus names to remember!!! Wtf is wrong with me. I doubt there will be any problem remembering my name. "It's Siti the super awesome" =) I like Prevenya, this indian girl I hang out with. She is devastatingly mature. I feel incredibly frivolous just being next to her. Just recently, something became clear. I think, wait, NO, I know that my feelings for someone rekindled. I mean, it's been quite a while since I thought of him. and now, I feel oh so caged. But honestly, I'm enjoying singleton very very much =))  with fluttering hearts the eyes tears the voice breaks and the heart aches say what? Wednesday, April 18, 2007, 9:25 PM
I'm devastated. Dearest, You have been through my ups and down. You were there when I was in tears, through laughters and you never fail to pick my mood up. You were the reason I wake up every morning where you'd keep me company through my bus rides. And after almost a year, you have to go. You have been my number one love. My heart aches so. I love you my dearest Pixie; my lovely iPod NaNo. cries in despair boo Now I know what I want for my birthday. An iPod NaNo and that Crumpler laptop case. But I can't ak my mum for that!! She's gonna get me a new phone. But it doesn't beat my NaNo.  I love you. why must you go. WHO IS GOING TO ACCOMPANY ME THROUGH MY BUS RIDES BUT YOU? and i choose to rebel Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 6:43 PM
RANDOM THOUGHT OF THE DAY: I can never imagine a minah dating an ahbeng, vice versa. Sweetest cousin NSR, firstly, I want you to stay strong cause dear, you are not alone in this world. Chayaya Inc is here for you wherever, whenever. No, it's more of, I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU, WHEREVER, WHENEVER. It's over now, so you have no reason to cry now. you don't have to cry when he's not there for you, you dont have to cry for not being appreaciated for the geing the hero you are. After three months or so, he only made you happy consistantly for only two weeks. What is that Nurul? Is that a relationship? Is that love? Don't be a fool. Stop doing this to yourself. I cannot bare to watch you fall like that. It's not right. Please listen to us cause patience wears thin. But I understand what you are going through right now so I won't give in just yet. bf is not everything la. they come and go. look at me. i'm single and happy. why? cause got school, got Chayaya Inc, got work. Aren't these reasons to just live? God looks disdainly upon those who contemplates suicide. Heaven's doors will never open for them. you pray don't you? You know of the consequences. Again, I say, I really understand the whole situation and I feel that you deserved better. I wished that I had slapped the Mat out of him before you guys broke up. Being single is fun la. I mean, yes, it's kinda empty in a way, but come on la, tengok aku! You still have your spare tyres so called, fadli, nizam and haziq what. Not like me, only got that Samuel who keeps feeding me all the desserts and dares to call me fat to fling around with(because of that Samuel Ong Wen Jie, I'm not going to eat. babero!) And at this point Yunus willl say YOU SO EASY FIND GUY! it's not i go hunting for them ok!! they notice me and it's so not my fault that they do! There are a lot of lah, leh,ler, mah, bah, de in my smses these days. And it's really awful when I actually read it. ouh yes! WHO THE FUCK GOOGLED MY NAME AND READ THIS BLOG HUH!!!! I'm missing you but I feel that there is something else that is missing inside we'll sing a song of regret , 4:04 AM
I lost my organizer and my hp got spoilt in the rain. What a day. My organizer with all my plans and note are all gone! My contacts in the phone too!! argh. screw it. Hope later will turn out better. Do leave your hp number to my email alright? itchy-scratch@hotmail.com thanks ppl. Monday, April 16, 2007, 6:29 AM
I'm as shagged as hell. Hung out with Samuel after work for dinner at KFC where I ate whipped potato and then for supper prata at Tampines. bleah. bloody tired can. MICHEAL KEEPS CALLING ME LALAERO!! keeps kacau-ing me. but hey, he is fun. So are the rest of the Filipinos. They have really big hearts I tell you. Should I help Micheal get his ear pierced? I mean, I have the antiseptic. Just need the needle and earstick (or earring?) and done. JUST POKE!!! His ear, not mine. Rashied keeps praising me. =)) yay! must keep this up man. he isn't the type you wanna mess around with. oh tragedy in this historical event Sunday, April 15, 2007, 6:37 AM
I think I have become inhuman. I slept at 1250am only to be awaken by my growling tummy at 4am. I don't understand why I felt hungry though. Samuel kept feeding me with chocolate fondant, cakes and even ice cream. And he claims he made them goodies himself!!! omg. IT'S SO FREAKING NICE. He pestered me to finish my chocolate fondant cause it's a RP of $12(and he keeps reminding me on how nice he is to have especially baked me that fondant). It's so shiok la to have a chef who has hots for you. I couldn't get back to bed. I had a lot of things in my head. The school fees for the polytechnic, finally, I have the cash to pay, but I can only get my ass there on Monday itself for it's Sunday afterall. Dear God, It's sunday!! And I'm going to be heading off to work later at 10am. JM again. I really like the Filipino staff there, namely, Gerbert (rumour has it that he's not straight, and honestly, I knew that already because of the way he looks at Samuel). Micheal (who is very very handsome) and my captain Ariel. Gerbert said that he can barely understand what Singaporeans are saying until he met me. He claims because it's of my articulation and of course my accent. EAT THAT PEOPLE! I AM UNDERSTOOD! He doesn't like the Singaporean accent. He claims that malays talk very choppily and the chinese mumbles. Honestly, I dont really realise that I have accent. Only when I talk in malay, then the kakuness comes into play. Gerbert wants to teach me tagalog and that is so awesome. He said that I picked up their accent very well. and damn, I know that, Gerger! Enough bullshit. On with the main complaint of this entry. let me tell you people sth. People who work in the FNB sector are not all low educated! We or more of, I, do not have an IQ of minus zero to not bleeding understand what a spoon is. Indian guy: Can I have a spoon? Me: What spoon do you want, Sir? Indian guy: *flares up* SPOON!! For eating!! *shows the scooping action* Me: *in my head* cb. you want what spoon. got tablespoon, teaspoon, serving spoon, soup spoon!! give you all four let you settle yourself ar. His son: *butts in*She's asking what type of spoon you want, Pa. Indian guy: *highly embarrassed* Oh, teaspoon please. like, WTF!!! WTF WTF WTF!!! Not only was he highly impatient, he thinks I'm stupid. So like Mother. MOTHERFUCKER. Ouh, how sad. Today is Samuel's last day at JM! But it's ok. We'll be keeping in contact I suppose.  Like the stars in the night sky, you shine through Saturday, April 14, 2007, 2:18 AM
I tend to forget how fragile I am emotionally. I'm headstrong yes, and most probably sensible, however when faced with adversity, I crumble in fear. My senses fail. Friday the thirteenth lived up to it's name this year. An annual event held by a certain company was the function. With free flow of drinks, including beer. I felt stares whenever I went. I heard rude comments about me. I thought i was being delusional. the unnerving stares. I thought. Or so I thought. A malay man, old enough to be my father, asked for my number. He was as drunk as hell. Married, with two kids and the wifey was there. The nerve. Where is your dignity. Oh wait, he has none. I was so polite. I said no. and walked away. but the fcker stalked me ard like a pussy!! omg. from the entrance of mountbatten to the closed fort room. asked me again. insisting. he was like so close to me. i was so fucking afraid. i kept saying no to him. he even asked if i was married!!he had that utterly cynical look in his eyes. my eyes immediately watered. like, fuck off. go away. cant you understand what a NO means?? I wanted to shout but my mind was in a complete mess. I was like traumitized, rooted to the ground. thankfully, florence grabbed me from behind and made me walk away from him. yes people. harassment. and being the loser that i am, i didnt report it to sean. bottomline, i was sexually harassed. is it sexually? well, i feel it was. and being the dumbfuck that i am, i didnt report. now i feel stalked. and im afraid to work at banquet. on a much brighter note, I receieved a compliment that my service was excellent by a guest. =)) he went like: "siti, i'm very happy with your service today. keep it up and you'd get a promotion soon." and i was thinking,"What promotion??!! Work at banquet got promotion meh??" LMAO the vulnerabilities Thursday, April 12, 2007, 10:31 PM
=DD Holler people because I am going back to school this monday. Finally, it's time to seize this moment of anxiety and toss it aside for orientation is tomorrow, at 8 in the freaking morning. Save me. I hope the people there are just as dope as the people in 4e2! I so miss you people. BORN FOR THIS by paramore My mum has been asking me where do I want my birthday to be celebrated. But I don't frigging care. Like, what it matters anyway? Here in Punggol Town or at my grandfather's place or any place for that matter. It's just a birthday. A year closer to abomination. sweet seventeen, she said. Haha. I don't feel any much older than fifteen thank you very much. Ok, heading off to bed already. waking up early you know. bleah. love you people to bits. and I will MATTY slap you , 2:44 AM
Woke up late for work yesterday. Damn, not only that I ransacked the whole house in search of my wallet, to only later realise that it had been on top of my laptop all along. Watched the cab meter escalate all the way to 9 dollars, and paid with such disdain with the ten bucks I had. However, I must say that I enjoyed working at SSC's Jackson Miller's. The staff there are much more alive than those at banquet. The Filipinos especially. They have this really weird accent that is totally fad. But it's quite impossible to figure out what they were saying most of the time. Like some words are muffled and are pronounced in a different manner. Damn, if only they were much much taller, I''d already be after them Filipinos! The chefs there are all friendly. Ok, no, better word: flirty. And all of them seem to fit the description of the chef that supposedly is interested in me: short, looks 18 and Chinese. All I did while working there was to fold napkins and serve only one table. I just found out that I have to take Amaths for my course. It is in the module. O my god! It's the very thing that I dropped. I swear, it is so coming back to haunt me. This is so not making me any more sober. Once I got home, I hit the hay all the way till 11 where I was awaken to my own tears. Bloody hell, I cried like there was no freaking tomorrow so I called the only one person I knew who wouldnt be asleep at that hour; Faiz. It's nice to have an ex like him. He just tried comforting me and he even bothered to answer my questions about life. Like, "Why am such a pussy??" and his answer was,"Cause you have one."HAHAHAHAHHAA. I need to get a life I swear. Learnt a new word today. PescetarianismI practice it. hahah. Cause I only eat fish and other seafood. Red meat and chicken is so yackdish. to time we never knew Wednesday, April 11, 2007, 1:18 AM
Maybe if my heart stops beating, it won't hurt this much. FUck. Sorry people for all these fucking emoshit posts. Cb. I looked at the date at this very moment. To think that exactly a month ago, I was over the moon. And today, a month from then, I'm having the exact opposite feeling. make it stop, make it stop; Insomnia, listlessness, heartache. If only I could walk down memory road and burn it all. erase these thoughts of you. I need to stand but my limbs are sore. Saying hello to the familiar abyss I call oblivion. How is it I end up here one too many times? Cry my heart out a river, and drown myself in it. My conscience is laughing at me. "Who is that I see?" it said. I should be cockslapped for being so daft! Praying for love yet to fall in naivety. Bangbang. There it goes. The bullet theory of pistols and lies. It leaves me bleeding. And just end things with a somewhat chirpy picture so that I'll defy you people of my mortality. TADA! BIGHEADBOY AND ME!  Tuesday, April 10, 2007, 3:32 AM
Have you ever Have you ever loved somebody so much, It makes you cry Have you ever needed something so bad, You can't sleep at night Have you ever tried to find the words, But they don't come out right Have you ever been in love Been in love so bad, You'd do anything to make them understand Have you ever had someone steal your heart away, You'd give anything to make them feel the same Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart But you don't know what to say And you don't know where to start Have you ever found the one You've dreamed of all of your life You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to Only to find that one won't give their heart to you Have you ever closed your eyes and Dreamed that they were there And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care This is so random. Whenever I get a casual glance at the clock, especially a digital one, the time will somehow always reads repetition numbers. Like, 2.22pm/am, 4.44pm/am etc. The most common one I always seem to see, be it afternoons or at night is 333! It's been happening since sec 3 I suppose and honestly, I never bothered much about it, only that I would rather have an analog watch instead of a digital one. Even after I watch the thriller, The Number 23, I am still offhanded about it. I mean, it is only a coincidence, is it not? I've said this once and I'll say this again. It's strange on how strangers become friends and how friends become best friends. I mean, I can't even recall on how I became best friends with Haziq for like four years and counting. I mean, yes, we were in the same class at Sec One, but I seriously cannot recall my very first conversation with him or how we even got talking. What was the scenario like? What were we thinking then? What were doing? Where were we? It's all very vague now. It's like as if it just happens. Like we were meant to be friends. =) And honestly, whatever it is that happened, I'm utterly thankful that it did. I mean, this was THE HAZIQ who sat with me on the phone when I was crying in my toilet, he was the guy who always there for me. Be it through my emotional turmoil or the most simplistic thing as getting me a job at Ikea. God Haziq, I love you. Plenty plenty. But no, I will not let you touch my butt or touch you at ANY of your special parts! lmao!!! Now, I make it a point to remember how I get to be friends with people, so that I would appreciate those special moments. I really find this song so very beautiful. For one, I like the title a lot. Somewhere Only We Know by Keane Ouh god, Paramore is gonna release their new album RIOT this year. I love Hayley. =) Copied and pasted this from Nurul's blog. It's angst really, not that I'm having any right now. And trust me, I have no idea why she typed that, but whatever it is, i like it. So much for wanting to be here for me every step of the way The journey's so far been dark and there's not a single light here. Silent as the night sky and dull as a white paper today has been And all this angst is nothing but a jinx.
open up ur eyes to see. What great had this done to me. I nvr expect this to last but please just wait a lil longer and see.
however in th end, we all know, there's no one in this world but me
I miss someone today. I've been missing that person everyday. I feel like a wussy pussehhh. Ouh well, it's over anyway. and I want to get over you  Monday, April 09, 2007, 4:28 AM
I MISS WORKING AT SSC ALREADY!! Shaun and Don better give me slots this week or I'll go mad!! I miss serving people. And that so means I'm going mad. And I miss that hot cleaner too. Hahhaha. Let's imagine this most surreal scenario of me dating a janitor. GOD, wrong! Trying not to be superficial here, but really now, I simply cannot imagine that. For one, doesn't janitor= stupid? I'm sorry, but I cannot have stupidity breathing in my face. My braincells would practically die. But really, when I mean by stupid, I don't mean having no education. I'm ok with mere mortals (LOL) but I can't have lesser beings choking me with their utter ridicule of not even knowing the most mundane things. You can not know the quantum theory, but just as long as you know your knots around life and how to lead it, you're already what I consider saved. Maybe I'm just like everybody else. Like when they say everyone is unique, doesn't that make me like everyone else, which leads to me being utterly normal? I'm beautiful, cause I'm god's creation, and since everyone else is god's creation- unless you are an Atheist- that makes you beautiful too, huh? Oh god, I suppose this would lead to why a certain bingbox blogger to be so deluded. And yes, that person is still blogging like that. You know, no matter how many times I read her posts, it so doesn't get any much less eerie(I still have goosepimples reading them posts!). It's exactly like heartaches; no matter how many times you have em, it doesn't get any easier. Btw, Ahmad's Kovan Mini Football Club lost 3-0 to Choa Chua Kang's. How sad. I was hoping his team would win, you know? The dopest thing: Ahmad was defending the penalty kick. So the opponent kicked the ball. Ahmad actually skidded in front to have the ball soaring at his face. So he saved the ball. What a hero. The Kovan Hub supporters were on their feet cheering for their what would be saviour, until someone said, "Eh, that kid is crying." Lmao. The hero cries. Hahaha. Time out. HAHAHA. OK, really, I love Ahmad to death but I really enjoy bullying him. But I swear, sometimes I think twice before pulling anything on him. Every time I make him cry, he'd have that "I so can't wait to grow up and kick your face" look in his eyes. Faiz the Liverpool Fan, has been telling me on how badly Arsenal is doing. Ok, fine. shit you, them Liverpool. Oh whatever. April is so not my month. and shit to football cause I have no cable. This will be my third time saying this but I'll say it again: I WANT SCHOOL TO START SO BADLY. Like COME ON!!! I had enough of slacking at home, rotting my life away, begging time to hurry and pass for a new day. I'm sick of blogging because I have nothing to say. And I'm just so anxious to meet new people and hate them.
I've been watching Southpark and god, they are so radical. Watch them, and you'll see the most mundane things in a new prospect. Farid showed me this: www.hopeisemo.com The mockery of emoshits. It's so... i have nothing to say. Labels: mmmaad ramblings Sunday, April 08, 2007, 7:01 PM
the stars and moon don't take me away like they used to Whhheee~~~ Slumber party with my Ikea mates, Nadiah and Ruzanna. I feel so odd somehow. Neither of them are malay in their IC. Ouh whatever, mixed blooded people rocks. They are like 5 times more beautiful than the average human being and yes, I'm talking about myself too. HAHAHA. =)))) I swear, I don't like grocery shopping. My name is siti And sometimes I wish I can say "I'm fucking awesome" like I always do.  And I'll try to smile tonight Saturday, April 07, 2007, 10:29 PM
Don't say love when you don't know what love is And you don't even know me I won't take it So get your hands off me I had fainting spells again. Urgh. It throbs my head a lot. Especially the pituitary gland area. You know the part right in between your eyebrows, that's where. I always feel very weak and nauseated whenever I get dizzy. Light-headed really. It's like that feeling when you feel like you're going to have a nosebleed. Don't fuss about me not eating red meat ok. I just don't like can. Would you like it if I had asked you to eat veggies when you don't like to eat them? And why did I get them fainting spells? Cause I didnt take my vitamins after I eat out. This disease is so WHATEVER! Oh oh oh!! I beat Asyraf in pool. No, it doesn't mean he sucks, it simply means, I'M FUCKING AWESOME!! Ok fine, so I beat him only at the first game but hey, I pushed him to the his very last ball. I AM AWESOME! hahaha. Come on people, I want to play pool! Cause I swear, I'm getting the hang off it. =))) They say that the best way to hold on is to just let go. If the person can't stay, then let them go away. Burn all the pictures and break all the oaths you took. And erase their names from the wall. But you know that the memories won't just fade away. They are for you to hold on to; to remind yourself of the great moments life can give and those very memories are the reasons why you must go on.Lonesome can be shared with those around you. You'll be lonely no more. Emptiness can always be filled, so watch that space. Shit, I'm rereading what I wrote and I swear, I'm amazing. Hahahaha. I can be a philosopher!! Lol. Ok, cockslap me, I'm getting so retarded. Ok, maybe maturity is kicking in- like finally!! HAHAHAHA!! that smile haunts me  , 3:31 AM
People to mention
Thanks for the memoriesby FOB I wanna be the monkehhhhh who kisses Pete Wentz ass!! grrr. I want school to start!! like... NOW... I'M SO FUCKING BROKE AND BORED AT HOME LA. What the hell. Another week to go before I can get to see all the pretty boys. wah. surely shuang i tell you. And god Nadiah, sure I will go try out with you for the NRA auditions but I swear, I wont like it. HAHAH. Dance+ siti= disaster This is so random but I'll say it anyway. I WANT TO SING. hahaa I'll be lepaking with Asyraf in a few hours time, that means I'm bailing out on Saiful. MUAHHA. I mean, we're from the same school and all but I've never ever like talked to him. Cause I feel like whacking him seeing the things he do. HAHAHAHA. Yes Nadiah, boys are toys. Use then throw!! Like condoms!!! OMG I'M SO GOING MAD I FUCKING SWEAR!!! my cousin's crazy Yunus ۩ Jonah - Pathetico Nonsensico says: barang siapa yang menonton porno Yunus ۩ Jonah - Pathetico Nonsensico says: akan DITELAN KONEK!!!! Yunus ۩ Jonah - Pathetico Nonsensico says: masya allah sitihamidah ❤ and I'll snap out of this right now cause I'm better than this says: tsktsk Yunus ۩ Jonah - Pathetico Nonsensico says: *the next day* Yunus ۩ Jonah - Pathetico Nonsensico says: para hadirin sekalian, muslimin dan muslimat Yunus ۩ Jonah - Pathetico Nonsensico says: marilah kita bacakan al fatihah untuk saudara kita yang telah mati ditelan KONEK sitihamidah ❤ and I'll snap out of this right now cause I'm better than this says: haha. Yunus ۩ Jonah - Pathetico Nonsensico says: U KNOW sitihamidah ❤ and I'll snap out of this right now cause I'm better than this says: ditelan????? sitihamidah ❤ and I'll snap out of this right now cause I'm better than this says: funny ar sitihamidah ❤ and I'll snap out of this right now cause I'm better than this says: konek telan dier sitihamidah ❤ and I'll snap out of this right now cause I'm better than this says: HAHAHHAHAH Friday, April 06, 2007, 9:10 PM
=) This is so not worth my time. Yes, it does hurt but I have to be strong for those who are weaker than I am around me. And it was nice to meet you  , 5:23 PM
 It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you =((( Cicakman has made me his sayang number 3. And Hadz, his girlfriend, is no where in his list of sayangs!!! 1st:ira 2nd:nazurah 3rd:hamidah 4th: shila 5th:none 6th:none 7th:none 8th:none 9th:ili Vacancy for Number 5-8. Please register to cicak18thekambingretard@hotmail.com Leave your picture, name and age. But don't ask what the advantages of being his so-called sayang, cause I DON'T KNOW!! Ok, light humour aside, most probably it ain't funny. But whatever la. cb They say that it's all in the mind, but why does the heart hurts? I feel pathetic. I think I am. =(( I so deserved to be cockslapped. Cries are in vain. Disdained sobs and throbbing heart aches. Tears have gone dry but my heart still heaves an enormous ton of weight. All I feel like doing is just curl up in a ball. cb. I hate myself. cbcbcbcbcbcbcbcb!! There are going to be a lot of great movies coming out in May. One being my ultra favourite, Spiderman 3 and the other, is the super savvy Pirates of The Caribbean, At World's End. Captain Jack Sparrow is so fuckan hot!!! He has "screw me" written all over his face. O god, he is so gorgeous! Hothothothot!! To all my friends who are depressed; you're not alone hor. hahah. crash into this song And TMNT's OST is currently playing on this blog. By the very awesome Amber Pacific of course. imissyou Thursday, April 05, 2007, 3:19 PM
And the things we used to do =( As quoted by Yunus' blog, "We miss the hamster in you!" lmao. I miss her too. I was like crying so buruk-ly on the phone with Yunus. I cried as if I had gotten fucking ugly. oh man, if only I had recorded what I was like saying or not saying. I swear, I sounded ugly. I think guys contradict themselves time and again no matter how smart they are. aargh. idiots. Zeek, i swear, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOU!! bodoh kau. why you never think first one?? 7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME -I'm the first child but I act like I'm the youngest -I look younger than my other sister -I love kittycats and other small mammals, not rats though -I can fake my laughter -I can sense danger!!! Isn't that like fucking awesome! -I am Malay-Chinese cum Indon Extract which makes me look weird from certain angles -I really think that God hates me 7 THINGS IM AFRAID OF -God -Being right -Being wrong -Death -Anything with more than 4 legs -Anything that shouldn't be there but is there -Gaining weight 7 RANDOM SONGS -Echo by Trapt -Why by Avril Lavigne -Hero Will Drown by Story of the Year -Vulnerable by Secondhand Serenade -Mugnkin Nanti by Peterpan -The Departure by A Vacant Affair -Paper Heart by The All American Rejects 7 THINGS I LOVE -siti -my nano -chayaya inc -singing -that pretty boy -hot girls - star gazing 7 THINGS I SAY THE MOST -NB -CB -Fuck -He/she/it should get cockslapped -dear lorddd -bebehh -you relax can? whoever wants to do, do it! And to everyone who I msned with yesterday, a thousand apologies for my drunken state. A grand example:
and I swear, i thought i was typing right! I AM FUNNEEHH!!! bleah. I can't stop playing WHY in my iTunes. I'm so fucked up. I hate myself. the only good thing that comes out from depression is weight lost. girls, go emo! the stars screams your name Wednesday, April 04, 2007, 9:55 PM
I see a loser in the mirror. Siti is pathetic. Siti is a hypocrite. Siti has all the negative things that you wouldn't want in a girl And Siti enjoys talking in 3rd person stance. Because she just sucks. Don't worry, my account isn't hacked thank you very much. I wrote that down. Anyway, Wendy rocks. So does Jan, but Sinteck sucks =) You know I'm just kidding right. Btw, the number 23 is so going to haunt Sinteck, who btw, got beaten by a girl 7-2 in CS, down to insanity. Well, his birthday adds up to 23. 19/4. 19+4=23 His seat number 18 row E. E is the 5th letter in the alphabet. 18+5= 23 His unit number. #11-12 11+12=23 HE IS SO GOING TO DIE. hahaha. And yeah, The Number 23 was quite a show. A bit boring but it's kinda well, interesting that people bother to think of such things. Oh well. Btw, thank you Sinteck for the treat. =) and you rock for that. Went to play pool after that. It was the battle of the noobs, live. HAHAH. Well, I seriously suck, while Wendy is getting the hang of it. Jan is ok and Sinteck is the best amongst us all. Bleah. Why, do you always do this to me? Why, couldn't you just see through me? How come, you act like this Like you just don't care at all Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall? I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away I can feel, I can feel you baby, why It's not supposed to feel this way I need you, I need you More and more each day It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you, I need you, I need you Tell me, are you and me still together? Tell me, do you think we could last forever? Tell me, why Hey, listen to what we're not saying Let's play, a different game than what we're playing Try, to look at me and really see my heart Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart? I can feel, I can feel you near me, even when you're far away I can feel, I can feel you baby, why It's not supposed to feel this way I need you, I need you More and more each day It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you, I need you, I need you Tell me, are you and me still together? Tell me, you think we could last forever? Tell me, why So go and think about whatever you need to think about Go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel I can feel, I can feel you near me, even though you're far away I can feel, I can feel you baby, why It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you, I need you More and more each day It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you, I need you, I need you Tell me It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you, I need you More and more each day It's not supposed to hurt this way I need you, I need you, I need you Tell me, are you and me still together? Tell me, do you think we could last forever? Tell me, why --- I feel that theory is just as important as the practicalities of learning an instrument. Honestly, after a few months of having lessons, I was still having troubles with the fingerings, through practicals. Now that I'm learning the theory, it honestly feels easier. I know it's hard to memorize all the chords, and now, thanks to theory, it is so much easier. =) and i'm hungry. nah, im too lazy to eat. can i just lie asleep forever? , 4:28 AM
Hadz posted this on the friendster bulletin and I find qns 16 very very very wrong. haha. 1. Cicak. 2. Ira. 3. Marq. 4. Faizal. 5. Ham. 6. Nul. 1. Have you ever danced with number 1? - dancing naked in the rain. =) 2. Where did you meet number 6? - when she was born i guess 3. Have you ever gotten drunk with number 4? - drunk nope. high yes. =) 4. Has 2 been to your house? - OF COURSE 5. Has number 3 ever seen you naked? - nOpe 6. Have you ever gone shopping with 2? - OBVIOUSLY YES 7. Have you ever seen 5 in a swimsuit? - NO. soon ok ham? 8. Have you ever met 1's family? - yeah. 9. does 4 know your middle name? - he knows everything about me. 10. Have you ever eaten anything in front of 2? - OBVIOUSLY. i eat gluttonly infront of her. 11. Do you trust number 1? - BOLEH PERCAYE KE? 13. Have you ever fought with number 5? - so far nope. 14. Are any of your top 6 family? - all of them are like family to me. 15. Have you ever done something dangerous with number 6? - lots of memories. =) 16. Have you ever slept in the same bed with 5? - YES 17. Do you think 5 and 6 would make a good couple? - YES. GREAT LESBIAN PARTNERS. 18. Would 3 do anything for you? - now, i dont know. should be la. 19. Has 5 ever helped you out? - perhaps. 20. Have you ever slept with your number 1? - YES. 21. Which have you known the longest? - NUL and HAM. They are my cousins idiot 22. Who have you known the shortest? - Cicak kobeng 23. Has anyone in your top 6 seen you cry? - all seen me cry before except for marq. 24. Have you had a crush on 1 - 6? - ALL OF THEM. I LOVE THEM 25. Have you ever done anything illegal with number 2? - LOTS OF THINGS 26. Will 1 - 6 repost this? - I DONT THINK SO see!! i repost it you deng! If only time passes by as fast as I wished it would. This is a great song. I love it. "Echo" [Chorus:] Close my eyes Let the whole thing pass me by There is no time To waste asking why I'll run away with you by my side I'll run away with you by my side I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride, (Asking why) I think about your face And how I fall into your eyes The outline that I trace Around the one that I call mine Time that called for space Unclear where you drew the line I don't need to solve this case And I don't need to look behind [Chorus] Do I expect to change, the past I hold inside, with all the words I say, repeating over in my mind, somethings you can't erase, no matter how hard you try, an exit to escape is all there is left to find. Close my eyes Let the whole thing pass me by There is no time To waste asking why I'll run away with you by my side I'll run away with you by my side I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride, Until this echo, echo, echo, echo in my mind Until this echo, echo, echo, echo can subside (I know I always loved you) (I know I always loved you) (I know I always loved you) So I close my eyes Let the whole thing pass me by There is no time To waste asking why I'll run away with you by my side I'll run away with you by my side I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride, Until this echo, echo, echo, echo in my mind Until this echo, echo, echo, echo can subside Tuesday, April 03, 2007, 2:48 AM
I've seen love die, way too many times when it deserves to be alive A harlequin doll A bleeding manikin A broken marionette Everyone is born with a sixth sense. An intuition, an inner eye and a gut feeling, they call it. You tell yourself that you saw it coming, but when it does, you cant seem to handle it. and you end up kicking yourself silly for being a fool to have not been prepared. Nadiah, it is so ironic isn't it? That you said to me,"My friends and I all broke up ard the same time. It's break up season!" I remember laughing it off. Look who is laughing now. God's idea of a cruel joke. To think back, I don't blame anyone but myself. It's de javu all over again. The familiarity of the situation. I did tell myself not to get so emotionally attached to anyone. Noone is to be trusted.Let's knock on heaven's door and ask God, if he's so bored that he must play ard with us weak and helpless humans. Facading what is love and thrashing towns with waves of destruction (Yes, I saw the news! Tsunami hit the Solomon Islands yesterday) Is this a sign that we are to love noone but ourselves? Again, I feel like giving up, like I did for my o's(but i miraculously passed) but that period was so awful. I didnt turn up for classes and school, I didnt do my homework, I slept in class, I didn't eat and I cooped myself in my own world. I had spiralled down my doom one too many times.WHY THE FUCK AM I SO WEAK. YEAH, YEAH, SAY I DON'T HAVE GOD'S STRENGTH WITH ME. God is so not the boss of me! Ok, wrong thing to say, but hell, I'm so breaking down, for the fourteenth time since the other 13 times was a month ago. I'm starting to think that if someone were to bring much happiness in your life, you tend to think of the same happiness you once had with another person. I guess it's natural. A bet certain Tan is enjoying every moment of my down fall. Laugh all you want. I suck. bleah. I met Marq and Hadz the other day. I swear, I always had thought that Marq was a malay guy. Turns out that he isn't. A chinese guy with a very cool eyebrow piercing. I want!! The piercing, not the guy. HAHAHa. But no, i'll get maneaten if i were to get it. And i might lose an eye. plus, it's not a good impression on others right?? so perish the thought siti! There's this woman named Shima on friendster who added me for the third time after I rejected her twice. There is sth very wrong with her puny brain. Wait, she has none. Hadz, aku kenal ke pompan macam gitu?? HAHHA. Ladadada ladadada ladadadadadadadada... keep holding on.. It's on instant replay in my head la. Stupid song. School will be starting soon. The agony of having to travel to Clementi from PunggolTown. Can't wait though. However the only fear is being the only girl in the engineering course. Oh no, I want to see prettyyy girls too cause boys suck anyway. Still contemplating on what CCA to join. Dance is so totally out of the question. So is Choir and Band. Like, duh. Which narrows it down to the Cheer Force, Volleyball and Dragon Boat. Let's analyse the pros and cons of the three: Cheer Force CONS
CONS
Dragon Boat CONS
 You got me stuck and tongue-tied; I am hopeful. The soul breaks, and the heart aches. p/s: drugs are bad. and smoking kills. while radiation from the phone can cause one to be ball-less. aint that right, yun? Monday, April 02, 2007, 12:49 AM
Can't help but to be sad right now. I hope im just being stupid. =( and it's 6am now. yet im still awake. still having that weird unwanted feeling. still feeling awful for no bleeding reason. ouh and i cried. but i dunno why. i think im mental.  Sunday, April 01, 2007, 12:33 AM
I WANT TO COMPLAIN!!!! My feet hurts so bad. stupid new pretty shoes. WHAHAHAHAHA. Went out with Nadiah and Royston. =))) Had dinner at Siam Kitchen. Lol. I'm so broke. Ouuhhhh. My mum is so fucking awesome!!! She gave me a Guess handbag!! It's small but still, IT'S A GUESS HANDBAG!!! I want that Roxy bag and wallet!!! bleah. MONEHHHH!!! What is change? Change is to differ from what one was. Change can be due to time, the environment and anything really. However, I feel that i haven't really changed according to what XXXXX said. I still have a soft spot for small mammals, I still don't eat chicken, I still get freaked out when I see insects, I still don't like the colour yellow, I still think that Mats and Minahs are scum of earth, I still think that Lindsay Lohan is a slut, I still love fish porridge from Compass Point Banquet, i still find collar bones sexy, I still find Pete Wentz hot, I still like rock, I still think my sister is such a bitch though she can be so sweet at times, and I still sleep with my eyes closed. The list could go on and on, you know. The only difference in me is that I don't love a certain mixed blooded guy anymore, and I swear a lot more these days (which is so bad. hahha) 
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saintjuliet
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+ Siti/Hammy/Chitty/Cheetszxxz/Santi/Hamster has mov... + whatever. bleargh. I sincerely wish, for the sa... + Meet my cousin's new born baby! The 2month old Ada... + sitihamidah has officially lost it. she fuckin l... + skinny bitches I cannot stand Taylor Momsen (yu... + I have school later and I have no cash on me at ... + and if I last through the winter I swear to you no... + where ever you go Give me time to think about y... + about a boy There's not a single pretentious b... + aurora Razin and I were exchanging comments abo... inhistory
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