A Story To Tell Your Friends

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towriteloveonherarms

i can keep a secret

if you can keep me guessing

the flavour of your lips

is enough to keep me pressing

currently listening cause this is “see you later,” I’m not into goodbyes
Behind These Masks We Renegade Create your own Friend Test here	Tuesday, July 31, 2007, 12:47 AM Call me a name, kill me with words In case you people are wondering, no, I'm not okay. after everything that i say to you, i still cannot deny that Monday, July 30, 2007, 5:10 PM The need for speed your choices is our responsibilities I'm a magnet for my own demise. Hello ugly world, I've had enough of you. Wolves in sheep's clothing, and two faced snakes. Lies and greed. God, have mercy. Forgive me for being utterly brainless and naive to have thought that this world actually had saints to help a drenched and helpless girl in the rain. Thank you god for sending me the devil's advocate to test my biddings of strength and of course, intellect, which I had clearly failed in both. So the bastard touched my breast, so I got molested. And it's MY FAULT. Wow. Thanks for the support eh. I bloody know that I was a complete fool to have thought that there are really good ppl in the world. But seriously, give me a break. So I watched the Simpsons with the entire Magnum Force squad. Awesome experience and a great show. I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE BUT I WENT OFF EARLY. =((((( So after the movie, I rushed to meet that Syahnaz to pick me up from Vivo so that we can head to Aloha Loyang there. Reached the place at 1230 after a few wrong turns. When I got there, my cousin was like half sober though he very much denies it. the rest of the days seems so vague. he's articulate and he's malay and that's rare! :) Saturday, July 28, 2007, 2:08 AM the song playing Read it. cause i know this is what you mean to say. The lights out, I still hear the rain, These images that fill my head, Now keep my fingers from making mistakes, Tell my voice what it takes, To speak up, Speak up, and keep my conscience clear when I wake. Don't make this easy, I want you to mean it, Jasey. (say you mean it) You're dressed to kill, I'm calling you out, (don't waste your time on me) Now there's an aching in my back; a stabbing pain that says I lack, the common sense and confidence, to bring an end to promises, that I make in times of desperate conversation, hoping my night could be better than theirs in the end. Just say when. Don't make this easy, I want you to mean it, Jasey. (say you mean it) You're dressed to kill, I'm calling you out, (don't waste your time on me) I've never told a lie, and that makes me a liar, I've never made a bet, but we gamble with desire, I've never lit a match, with intent to start a fire, but recently the flames, are getting out of control. Call me a name, Kill me with words, Forget about me, Its what I deserve, I was your chance, to get out of this town, but I ditched the car, and left you to, Wait outside, I hope the air will serve to remind you, that my heart is as cold as the clouds of your breath, and my words are as timed as the beating in my chest. Monday, July 23, 2007, 11:59 PM and you do your best to show me love but you don't know what love is I'm having a splitting headache. Thinking too much. Keep asking myself, was it me who made all this happen. Am I the cause of your actions? In the first place, was I even wanted? Was I just a mistake? Did you not want anything associated to her at all? Yes, you never neglected your duties, which is why I never hated you cause I felt you are already doing the right thing. I saw you were doing your minimal responsibilities, but now, I'm doubting everything that I ever believed. all I see is deceit. All I see is a liar. You never had time for me or any of us. My brother, what are you doing to him? Instilling fear to earn respect? He is terrified of you. Just last week, he begged me, HE BEGGED that I stay, that I stay and sleep with him until you went away. Not only that, what have you ever given him? He called me last week, he said he wanted to fetch him from school one of these days, so that we could watch a movie and spend time together. But I couldn't. I had things to do. I can't skip tutorials anymore. And he cried, saying, "Am I not important to you?" I swear, I had tears in my eyes. An 8 year old boy questioning me of priorities and responsibilities. Mum can't have time for him for your damn mistakes. I swear, I wish I can be with him throughout. My sister, she cried when I told her of what happened. OF WHAT I KNOW. Of what you think I don't. In front of everyone. Her friends, her boyfriend, all the visitors at escape theme park, SHE BLOODY CRIED BECAUSE OF YOU. Now she's telling me that she has lost hope in you. She wants to help my mother out because of you. She said she wants to cry every time you beat him up. I swear, I hate you. , 12:06 AM at least i have them to make my day sometimes Sunday, July 22, 2007, 6:51 PM For the past ten years, i believe that i have been lying to myself that i will never hate you. But now, I know, that you don't deserve my love. or any of ours. you beat my brother everyday ever since i left. that i understand. but what are you doing now? havent i had enough? hasnt my mother had enough? she deserves so much better than a life like this. i hate you. i hate you so much. you made me so sad. so very sad. you hurt me so much. there is nothing you can do to make it better. nothing. Saturday, July 21, 2007, 2:57 PM I know this song is really old but no matter how many times I hear it, there is still a pretty depth meaning to it, in almost every aspect. No one can deny love. =) Ever dealt with the supernatural? Well, since 21/07/07, 2am, I officially, believe in such phenomenas! I was chilling with my friend under the block opposite my aunt's. Bukit Panjang Government High School is directly behind that block. Separating the block and the school, is this huge old tree. Had weird things dangling from them, and no Shafiq, I don't mean balls. However, I can sense a presence. So I was just sitting down, minding my own business, when I saw a white figure walking (or should I say, gliding?) past near from the tree at the corner of my eye. Knowing that I have this huge problem with eyesight, I thought, "Hey, it's nothing. Maybe it's the light playing tricks with my eyes." But then it happened two more times, but those few times, happened, on the left side from where I was sitting. Meaning, I thought I saw sth near where my friend had parked his bike. No way! I did what I was told to do by my elders, friends and every other people who had experienced with these nonsense, which was to pretend nothing had happened. Of course, I acted a bit weird. My friend was animatedly talking to me while I just had short replies and I refused to look at him, instead, I brought my legs towards chest, rocked and stared at my thighs as he chatted away. As if seeing the white figure wasn't scary enough, a black bat flew towards us, from the tree itself. That totally freaked me cause, only I saw it. My friend didn't! Like, how can he not notice it. Ok, so I was facing the tree and he facing me. How can he not see a black bat flying right past him? We finally decided to head back home and I pleaded that he walked me to my aunt's block. Omg. It was over. I messaged him half an hour afterwards and told him my encounter. And he had his too! Apparently, when he was about to start his bike, he saw the same thing I saw, near the old tree. Again, it wasn't a full blast view. Which gets me wondering, why does this thingy, makes herself unconvincing?? But it's not like as if I wanna ever see her in full view, with specs or contacts on. NEVER. Lesson learnt, never sit near big old trees with dangling bits. haha. I don't know what tree is it called, but I bet you people have seen that tree before. AND THIS IS SIMPLY ADORABLE AND VERY MEANINGFUL =) Friday, July 20, 2007, 3:51 PM You are everything I want, cause you're everything I'm not Make Damn Sure By Taking Back Sunday A simply awesome song and Adam is just so cynic with his signature microphone swingging. Keep on thinking of the possibilities, the maybes and the what ifs. Wake up Siti!!!! Jiamin is so retarded. Like retarded to the max. She is so anal that you can go dumb talking to her online. I love her still. =) Wah. I'm so tired. Magnum training later at 6. Can I just please not go to school anymore? It's just a bore. Argh. My results are devastating for maths and I can't seem to give a shit about it. Yah, I really really really don't care. At all. Bimbo, please grow a brain. Like really. You would need one. Tuesday, July 17, 2007, 7:23 PM My entire body aches. I think my limbs would fall off anytime soon. Go Magnum! I'm in such a "I'm a cheerleader and you are nothing but a non cheerleader" kind of mood. Like, this morning (or should I say afternoon) I put on my humongous L sized "Magnum Force Kick Butt" tee and my blue "Magnum Force Born To Cheer" landyard just to get the the polyclinic. Maybe after yesterday's training, I gained my confidence in flying just a little bit. THANK YOU EE LING AND CITRA for being so super! I hurt my finger (read: finger, not fingernail) during volleyball. A really freak accident. Now my finger is a hideous shade of sickly purple. I need a finger guard. Reminds me of condoms in a way. Like, you put it on to as a matter of protection, and that I'm like, gibbering utter nonsense, yet you people are still reading this paragraph. And it makes no sense at all that you people are still at this paragraph when I already said that I'm blabbering senseless. RAHH. My cough is irritating. grumbles. Ouh, can you like, believe it? I had to waited at the polyclinic for the doctor for almost 2 hours. Only for consultation. Waited another half an hour for the medication and the payment. Like, in the span of 2 hours, someone in that clinic could have died!!! Jamming session with Halim's band, Psychosis soon. Three guesses who the guest lead vox is? I feel much better these days. And I don't know why. I still think that i have issues with my confidence though. It's bothering me a bit, but, ouh, I don't know. At least there are lesser beings around for me to snide at. Thank you lord for creating imbeciles for me to loathe and bitch about. Now I fully understand the need for you to create such scums. How does one diet in a healthy way? Cause the words, "I'm on a diet" usually causes either smirks or jaw dropping scenes. tsktsk. For now, I think I must not eat at night. Especially supper. Especially after training! And, I must eat a proper meal for lunch. Sunday, July 15, 2007, 7:29 PM Beautiful liar, you're such an ugly disaster. I know you're lying. But I'm loving the game you play. I'll outwit you. Watched Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix with my gay ass best friends, Shafiq, Jan, and Sinteck. Not bad. I was expecting more thank you very much. After the movie, we made a scene at every pit stop we made. Throw our faces. Made fun of each other and of course say the most random and uncanny things. Remember the rock that fell from the tree Jan? Then had supper at Istanbul and i swear Shafiq is the biggest asshole in the world because he drank what I very innocently concocted, which is, soya sauce, pepper, vinegar, rasberry 7-up and green tea. Camwhored at the playground, which was btw, not my idea. =) Just in case you forgot, this is Shafiq, Sinteck and Jan =) And that's shafiq getting a blowjob from my pet dinosaur. Saturday, July 14, 2007, 10:12 AM My brother had an asthma attack yesterday afternoon. I was on the way to training when it happened. I was shocked when mum told me that he was admitted to KKH. Called Lenny about the situation and rushed there. I stayed over to look after him there. Had only 2 hours of sleep. I feel like dying. Tired. But i got clubhouse cleaning and a movie later in the afternoon. One is too old. Another is attached. Third one has no clue. The other is a year younger. =) Tuesday, July 10, 2007, 12:09 AM It's midnight and I'm wide awake. I know I can't get back to bed for I had ample rest this afternoon. Really, I was shagged. Work hours seemed so long. When I woke up at 8, I felt tears rolled down my face. I'm pathetic. I miss the ex quite badly. Monday, July 09, 2007, 3:41 PM Syahnaz showed me this. OMG. IT IS SO FUNNY. PLEASE WATCH IT!!! Ouh yes, Syahnaz thanks for sending me home from work ytd. Stupid transport uncle. muthafacker. HAHAHA. TWO OF THE MAINTENANCE GUYS FOUGHT OVER ME. Hhaha. They both wanted to send me home but thankful I had my superhero Syahnaz to the rescue. If I had taken with them, I might get raped I tell you. :) I look so much better with your t-shirt on Sunday, July 08, 2007, 3:10 PM It doesn't take a genius to tell that something is troubling you. You don't have to be Eistein to know that you don't even know what is the thing that is bothering you. I get this all the time. These people read faces like they read books. "Siti, you're depressed. Tell me what's wrong.?" That's weird when I swear, I thought I had a smile plastered on my face. Thursday, July 05, 2007, 11:47 PM Jiamin and I talked about what we are doing in our lives in poly. Just a reflection. Hopes and dreams. So surreal that we are not practicing what we gotta do to get what we want. I feel awful. I don't have motivation, interest and drive to continue. I feel pathetic. No, I am pathetic. I really don't like myself. I doubt myself. I snap-sudden outbursts of every emotion. I swear, I lack of confidence these days. I even dreamt that Vicente told me that I'm horribly ugly. I feel awful. And just retarded. I just feel like quitting school. I just feel like I'm forcing myself sometimes. Maybe I'm just an angry teenager. A sad one i suppose. I hate you. I really hate you cause you haunt my dreams and my every thought. You make me unhappy and angry even if you're not there. I moved to erase you from my life. My world of familiarity and comfort. You brought me to a place I don't know. a place where everything is just so different and scary. I hate you cause I still love you. After what I feel is a terrible day, I met up with Yunus to buy a goodbye gift for Denise. then I met up with Shahnaz for dinner and watched My Wife Is Gangster 3 at Vivo. Rode his bike (read: scrambler!!!)again. Sweetttt. I love riding bikes. =) It'd be really great to have him ride me around everytime. haha. He did send me to school on Tuesday. Shuang can. And, he didn't speed unlike Fairuez, my captian. [I feel lucky to have people offering rides]Anyway, the movie is quite senseless but nonetheless freaking funny. =) After the movie, rode back here and chilled. Talked about our lives until it got late. It was nice knowing him. Sorry Michael, but you deserve better. amuse me baby, you're nothing Wednesday, July 04, 2007, 8:40 PM How's life in the east people? I really miss Punggol already. I miss the breath-taking view of the greens there. And I miss my bed. My brother too. BUT I KINDA LIKE IT HERE. Yesterday, I actually forced myself to make friends with a few people (read: MATS) so I won't be so bored here in the West. They are kinda nice la. Well, I cannot be complacent. I approached them because I was lost. How typical of me. Ok, i hate myself. Goodnight. Tuesday, July 03, 2007, 7:14 PM Nobody told me that my best is never good enough. I broke down completely during Magnum training yesterday. All the pressure. This, that. I feel lousy. I don't mind being corrected but it's the way it is being told totally makes me lose my confidence. I know you are seniors. I know you have a standard. I'm a noob, and I swear, I'm trying my best. Mind the words cause words ain't just words. Maybe I'm sensitive or I'm hallucinating. Maybe it's just me. Monday, July 02, 2007, 4:02 PM A BROKEN SMILE A HEAVY HEART AN INFECTED WOUND A DYING SOUL AN INAUDIBLE SONG A SHATTERED HOPE A FADING LIGHT AN UNHEARD PRAYER AN EMPTY ENTITY AN IMPLODED STAR A BLEEDING SCAR DELILAH FIGHTS MONA LISA CRIES JULIET DIES !!!' Fourteen hour shift people. Come on Siti! It's all in the mind. You so can do this! SSC seriously rocks. I lost someone but I can't remember who. For all I know, it hurts. Sunday, July 01, 2007, 1:51 AM The Furry Issue The picture up there is chosen randomly for this post. Basically, I chose it for it has a cute little furry hamster, a kitty cat and a bunny rabbit =) Also, it is dedicated to my very missed Abg Fahmi and his band since their band mascot is supposedly a hamster. I swear, they sound promising because they will be performing songs by my ultra favourite band, PARAMORE. Woots.I met up with him recently. I totally miss him and Wan a lot. My big brothers in Ikea. My saviors to heavy trays and fucked up aunties. I miss Wan's voice plenty!! Abg Fahmi is like superliciously happy with his gf a.k.a Jackals' lead vox, Irna. I'm super happy for him. It's so rare to actually see him so bright and cheerful. Anyway, I met the new Jackson Miller captain. Fun and bubbly guy is the only thing politically correct to say here. And he is a nice guy since he sent me home on his motorbike. vrrooommm. How long has it been since I have rode on that infernal two wheeled contraption?? Decades ago, I think. BUT THAT MOTHERFUCKER SPEEEDDDEEEEDDDD. I was like, dear lord save me. My dad has never ever gone beyond 120km/h. I swear, this speed demon could probably had gone at 180km/h!! The thrill was there la, but I swear, I was practically praying tht I don't die, flung across the expressway and get squashed by an oncoming truck and have my intestines ripped out. It'd be such an unglam death. I want to die beautifully thank you very much. I worked 6 hours just now at JM, now I'm practically immobilized. And I have work at Bqt tomorrow. An exhausting 14 hour shift. Hey, think of the bright side man. Da kechhiinnnggs. Ok, so some of you would be wondering to how horrible my CT was since I spend every possible free time at Singapore Swimming Club and Magnum Force. My results were as expected. They were terribly horrendous. HAHAHAHHA. But I'm cool with it. No complaints man, cause I know I did shit and I got shit. Out of the 4 modules I took, I failed one, which is El Tech. I am horribly taken aback that I had not failed Physiology since I, swear on my dead rabbit's grave, I did not study for. Honestly, I do feel that I deserve to fail it. Anshar, Iffri and Marzuq's results were clearly impressive. Applause, applause. Alvin's was, well, duh. If I were Alvin and I didn't do well after the amount of effort, I would have, swear to God, hang myself. Clearly, the competition is there. But the ABCs and 123s are not my concern right now. I just want to focus on my passion for Cheerleading right now. I don't know why but everywhere I go, I remind myself that I'm a Magni. It really runs my life somehow but I like it that way. =) hey you, i miss you.		saintjuliet sitihamidah mail me: CHEERDANCEFLY@GMAIL.COM 010590		theparade alya azmi hadzah yunus jan wendy liyana michael clarence nadiah khairul anshar towkoon hakim harlis pamela sohvil ashley koh beforetoday + Siti/Hammy/Chitty/Cheetszxxz/Santi/Hamster has mov... + whatever. bleargh. I sincerely wish, for the sa... + Meet my cousin's new born baby! The 2month old Ada... + sitihamidah has officially lost it. she fuckin l... + skinny bitches I cannot stand Taylor Momsen (yu... + I have school later and I have no cash on me at ... + and if I last through the winter I swear to you no... + where ever you go Give me time to think about y... + about a boy There's not a single pretentious b... + aurora Razin and I were exchanging comments abo... inhistory + April 2006 + May 2006 + June 2006 + July 2006 + August 2006 + September 2006 + October 2006 + November 2006 + December 2006 + January 2007 + February 2007 + March 2007 + April 2007 + May 2007 + June 2007 + July 2007 + August 2007 + September 2007 + October 2007 + November 2007 + December 2007 + January 2008 + February 2008 + March 2008 + April 2008 + May 2008 + June 2008 + July 2008 + August 2008 + September 2008 + October 2008 + November 2008 + December 2008 + January 2009 + February 2009 + March 2009 + April 2009 + May 2009 creditsto A accidentality productions Inspiration from DancingSheep & BONBON:D		thegossipteam